So, I've decided to follow my dreams..Now what??

For those who don't know me, and even for those who do.. let me give you some background..

I was born to write. It's in my DNA, litterly. My dad was a writer. I used to get mad at my mom when I was two because she would read to me every night and I couldn't read the stories like she did. At three I had mastered memorizing any book she would read to me so that I could read it with her on the next occasion. At four, I wrote my first poem..It was about the stars. I was hooked, I was in love, this was destiny at it's finest.

I can't begin to express to you the love and the passion I have for my craft. It's not a hobby. It's a component to my soul. I am one of those people who burry their inner feelings deep down. Although I am great with listening to other people vent their life's frustrations, I am not so great at verbally expressing mine. Writing has been my therapy ever since the beginning of my memories. When you can visually see how you feel on the inside come through on the outside it captures an undeniable sense of reality. When I write how I feel I know that at that point it's real.

With that being said, this is day one of me "following my dreams." Even though I always knew I had this great talent and passion, I didn't always..still don't..know what to do with it. All I know is there are other people who can draw inspiration from my words as I have gathered inspiration from others' words. Relating to someone who has shared/does share the same true inner feelings as you cannot be faked. I want people to read something I wrote and feel a tug on their heart strings. I want someone to read something I wrote and say, "Wow, she's been there. Other people have felt like how I feel right now."

I don't know where this blog will take me, or my readers, but I do know that it's going somewhere great because it's coming from somewhere real. If you are someone who thrives off the truth, and even some self-discovery, we will get along just fine. Day one.

"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer. This notion rested soley on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker








Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's not all tears, I promise you.

Please don't mistake my blog for some sappy, feeling down on myself, tear jearker of a blog. It's not all tears, I promise you.

I am just prone to writing about the truth. And what better truth do I know rather than the one inside of myself? This blog is going to be a journey for me. It's going to expose my true feelings in ways that maybe I haven't even discovered yet. Everything I write about comes from some sort of personal experience. It just so happens my personal experiences as of lately have me heart wrenching. This blog will be about everything. Everything. Everything. It's not all tears.
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Everyday

I will love you all the right ways
like I've never loved before
I'll take my life experience
passion will stem from past hurt
promise I'll never forsake you or push you away
and when you ask if I love you
I'll reply.. everyday.

Although I'd rather have you near
you'll have my trust when you leave
because when it's all said and done
I'm the only air you breathe
And when you ask if I love you in every single way
I'll look at you and reply..
today and everyday.

I won't hold you accountable
for past damage that I feel
because when you put your hands over my heart
I'll feel all the wounds start to heal
And when you ask me why do I stay?
My reason is so that I can love you, everyday.
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"Hello?" "Hi, This Is The Pain Speaking."

This is the pain speaking when I say that I hate you.
Or how about the fact that I helped create you.
Living that "good life" that people seem to envy..
Well that's the same life that just might end me.
I showed you love, even the kind your family never gave.
I was ready to vow to honor your last name.
Deep down I know things will never be the same.
And if these are hurtful words, blame it on the pain.
I feel like poppin pills, I feel like drinking too.
I hope all the wounds heal, someday I know they're supposed to.
This hurt is different though, not like a regular bad day.
I give you my future apologies for what the pain makes me say.
I say I still love you but what I really mean is..
I hope your life gets ruined the same way you did me in..
And that's the pain speaking, I know I can be so rude.
I'd tell the pain to stop speaking if it all wasn't so true.
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I Pick Up

And I'm like.. can't you just try and hate me?
Do both of us a favor, just try and erase me
Cuz this love thing has a chokehold on my brain
Now I know why they say, "too much of a good thing"
And our good thing has gone bad..
But we still reminise on what we had
And we still hope one day we can get it back
And we both lead self-destructive paths
We're we ever meant to be?
Or did we just happen to eachother?
Should we just wait it out?
Or both move onto another?
I ask you questions with no expectance of a reply
Like, "Was it really worth it everytime that you lied?"
"And what about all the times that I cried?"
Bet you thought I'd ever say my final goodbye
And I hate to admit it, but your still kind of right..
Cuz everytime that you call, I pick up..and say, "Hi."
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Black Dress

I would have put on a white dress
and a permanent smile
You could've felt my love radiate
as I walked down the aisle
I would've stood in front of your family
I would've stood in front of mine
I would've vowed to give you my all
Even after the end of time
and you would've known eternal love
We would last a lifetime
Would have given my last breath to you
Would've given you my lifeline
Unyielding faithfullness, unconditional love
Would have devoted my life to you, but you betrayed my trust
So now I put on a black dress
and a hat that covers my eyes
and my mascera is running..
caused by tears from all my cries
Swear people can feel my hurt radiate
they can hear it in my voice
I have to burry our love in the past
because you've left me with no choice
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